my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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