so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
