He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
