Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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