I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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