I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
