Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
