im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
