so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize