I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
