god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
