No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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