just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
