Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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