Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
