She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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