hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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