You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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