No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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