Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
