STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize