don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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