Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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