just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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