I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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