and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
