my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
