my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i now understand why vodka
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
