I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
