ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize