Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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