I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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