You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize