PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
