I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Enjoy the penises
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
