She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
