went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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