I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
