hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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