ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The beer is more important than you right now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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