Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
