i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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