we have pet lesbian snakes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize