i cant cry in cvs. not again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
