All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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