i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
