how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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