I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
