her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
