I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
