I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bring me that man meat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
