If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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