Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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