Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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