is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
