your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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