you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize