I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize