she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can you bring me the toilet please
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
