Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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