sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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