Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
