Got a toothbrush?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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