Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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