Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
