My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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