Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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